I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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