please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
