the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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