Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
