I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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