On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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