I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I could make wine with my vomit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
