I look better un-naked...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize