if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
