you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
