wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
