Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
