Having a random hookup so left but love u
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
