My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
