this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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