OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
