Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
