im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
