Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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