At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
