did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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