I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
