remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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