so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
