Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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