I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
