You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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