I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
