Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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