I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
