My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
