Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
