cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
