I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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