I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
