first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
