so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
