just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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