Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
