If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize