wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
