the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
