This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
