no. you can't hotbox the world.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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