Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
