I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
