I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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