I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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