My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Operation Purity has been aborted
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
