Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
