We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
