Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
