3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
