she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
