ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
