just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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