he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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