how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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