well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
