Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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