And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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