some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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