We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
