I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
