Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
