and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
