i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dear god my vagina.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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