listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
