just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
