I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
