Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
