you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
